Monday, June 30, 2008;8:57 PM
Feeling damn f(reak)-ing bad now k. Lemme list you why.
- Slept @ 2+ tdy morning. Slept fer merely 4h, gah. Practically sleepwalk t sch like some zombies or smth.
- I was mute fer th day, IDK why. I ain’t angry w/ anyone or anyth. I just don’t feel like talking. I knw many of you attempted t pry my mouth my open & talk. I tried, but no words come out. IDK wht to say to peepo, seriously. Sorry if i ignored y’all or smth, didn’t really mean it. I feel so helplessly stupid & stuffs. I feel so ridiculously different from th rest of th ‘normal’ peepo. I feel v.lost & worthless. I knw i oughta stop thinking like this but th more i keep quiet, th more i drift into such thoughts. I knw mouths are meant fer talking but for a change, i wish t talk constructive stuffs instead of gossiping & blah, but it’s going t be boring i knw. I seriously DK wht t do, f(abulous). Peepo are hard t please. Can someone tell me wht t do? Even when someone knocked into me, i felt emotionless. Wth. No flicker of dismay/anger. I just resumed my activities like a robot. Thn aft i left th canteen, i started screaming hysterically. CAN YOU STOP BEING SUCHA WEIRDO JIAHUI? CAN’T YOU BEHAVE LIKE ANYONE OUT THR? Think i’ve always been so used t bottling up everyth that i’ve been able t be sucha great pretender.
- I realised tdy that everyth abt me are v.extreme. When i’m happy, i can laugh like thr’s no tmr but if i’m upset, nth in th world can cheer me up & t me, th world seems t be coming t an end. & t make me happy/sad, it can just be even th lil-est thing, & i really mean lil-est of all thing. When i’m quiet, i can really be deadly silent but if i’m talkative, a can be v.crappy & irritating. Strange personality. Feels like i’ve got split personality or smth.
- Quarreled w/ parents again. Whenever i do smth, i’m always at wrong, i’m unable t please anyone. No one’s on my side everytime(generally). Even whn i tried t be nice, peepo either take it fer granted/ scold me. Think tht my parents, esp my mom, don’t even appreciate me,they’re supposed t be my parents. Parents, parents, parents. They’re supposed t assure me of my capabilities, encourage me & be proud of me even tho i mightn’t be of someone worth being proud of. Mommy apparently loved my cousins mre, taking their glory as if their own but hardly breathed anyth abt any achievement of me, however small. When i told them how nervous i was fer th upcoming ‘O’ Level Chi Oral, they put me off & rattled on and on abt how detached i am w/ my cousins. F(riend), when i hated them so much, you want me t talk t them? HAH, I’d have been a hypocrite then. I tried t love them ok. Yes, tried. I don’t understand why everyone love them so much, relatives & parents, just because they’re young & cute. Seriously, i don’t find them adorable at all, such boasters & irritating children. I’ve always tried t perfect my behavior and attitude, but compared t them & other peepo, friends & all, i feel so small & negligible. Wht’s th pt of being sucha goodie-two-shoes when no one even appreciate it? But once i start t change, everyone starts gossiping behind my back & stuffs. HELL.
SCREAMS* Feels so horribly terrible yknw? As if i’m a walking corpse w/o a soul, a heart. TALK LAH JIAHUI, IDIOT. I feel like crouching down and scream everyth out.
Peepo been asking wht hit me tdy, & i think this could most prob be th reasons. If you have any negative comments abt this post, kindly keep them t youself & gossip w/ your friends. I don’t live for your comments so shut up.
♥